Follow your dreams.

We’ve all heard it since the day we were born. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: As children, we’re asked the grand question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” From that moment on, we’re taught the idea that we can do ANY and EVERYthing that we want, so long as we want it and work hard enough. I long realized that these ideas and dreams usually dissipate by the time we reach our adult lives.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know a handful of people that knew EXACTLY what they’ve wanted to be since childhood, and they’ve worked hard from day one to achieve it. To name a few: Steven H, Sarah, Cotroneo. They’ve always had their vision on their dreams, and they stuck to it.

This is something I highly respect and highly admire, mostly because this comes so rarely in the lives that I know. It also hits home in my own life, reflecting how long it’s taken me to pursue my own dreams.

My Dislike for Financial Dependence

When we’re children, when we answer the question of what we want to be, we don’t understand the social and financial implications of what those careers entail. We also don’t know that a few years later, we’ll soon come to learn and become familiar with the rigid conforms of our American society.

Eventually, someone comes along and tells you that your dream job isn’t right, it doesn’t pay enough, and that it’s not PRESTIGIOUS enough. Your immigrant parents will tell you that they came to America for you to live your dream… as a doctor or lawyer only, of course.

All through life, people will reinforce the idea that you’re supposed to be on a track to success. That is, FINANCIAL success. You should have a job with reasonable pay; if you don’t, you should be trying to look for a higher paying position. If you’re unemployed, you should be looking for a job.

But what of our dreams? So many of us are raised with parents that told us, “Go to school, study hard, get good grades so you can have a good paying job. Then, you can be happy and rest carefree during retirement.” RETIREMENT? Really? THAT late in life? Assuming I’ll even LIVE to reach retirement?

Pushing Away the Dream

Anyway… my American Dream.

I’ve been lucky growing up. My Chinese immigrant parents never shunned me from doing art. Luckily, I’ve always had their support for any subject I wanted to study. (Maybe it’s because I’m the 3rd child and my older brothers were well on their way to making sufficient moneys?) In fact, my mom tells me that I should have majored in art in college since it’s what I’m ultimately best at.

So, why didn’t I?

To be honest, I’ve pushed art away for most of my life. I was too frightened. Of what? I guess the idea that you put SO much time into a piece, and people stand around and critique it (negative connotation), with me needing to know how to TALK about my own piece. I used to be extremely introverted and the idea of this critique process was beyond scary.

As a result, I mostly kept my art to myself. Practicing perfection by copying drawings and photos, I did this as my own private hobby. I would only show people finished work, PERFECTED work.

Finding a Place in the American Dream as an Artist

Over and over, my mom’s words repeat in my mind as a form of self-encouragement and confidence: you should have pursued art a long time ago.

As of recently, I’ve learned to embrace my skills and love for art. And I’m loving art classes, where I receive a lot of positive feedback and different advice from my instructors and peers.

However, I’ve also come to a point where I’m unsure of what to do with my life. It’s nothing big, but it’s something to think about. As always, it’s the challenge of finding a balance between my dreams and the financial implications of this pursuit.

I want to stay in school, continue taking art classes, spend the time to develop my skills and technique, maybe go for an art degree.

But I STRONGLY feel the pressures of society (which are self-imposed, of course), that tell me to go get a full-time job, which would take time away from my schooling.

If I look for a job, I would ideally look for a job that would help enhance my knowledge and skills in my art development, but I feel like the only opportunities right now are for people who have a lot more experience in the realm.

Ideally, I’d like to just stay in school and concentrate on at least getting an Associates of Art degree. Maybe later I can take that and transfer to a 4-year college. I’d try to find a part-time job for some income to fund myself.

Financially, though, will it be enough? I need to find ways to support myself while staying on track with my goals as much as possible.

As much as I dislike basing my life around money, I think this moment of unemployment is CRUCIAL for me to budget myself properly, and to truly watch my spending. I need to figure out how to meet more local artists, I need to figure out how to sell my work, and I need to figure out how else I can get funding for my schooling.

I need to reach my goal!

After 20-something years of pushing it off, I’m glad to be in a place where I’m comfortable and KNOW I want to pursue art. Now, I need to find the means to do it.

Do you have suggestions, resources, ideas? I’m 100% open to anything you can share to help me out. I have a long way to go and I’m open to all the help I can get! :)

Additionally, I know I’m fortunate enough to even HAVE this option. I hope and wish everyone could strive for their dreams and actually invest their time in the things they’re most passionate about. But I’m beginning to understand more and more this dance of balancing one’s dreams with the necessity of money in order to achieve those dreams. As much as I hate the interdependency of the two, this has become fervently apparent lately.