Alright, I admit it. Brent and I were pushin it a liiitttttttllleee close by going to Costco around 8:10PM tonight. They don’t let people in after 8:30PM, and we were finishing up our super yummy dinner at Sabuy Sabuy II in Berkeley. Totally got primo parking when we got to Costco, though!

We slowly perused the electronics section at the entrance of the Costco store, and I totally picked up an uber cute children’s outfit! (Not for myself. Well.. if there were an ADULT-sized dragon outfit like the one I saw, then yes, it would have been for me. Along with the dinosaur onesies I always see at the entrance too. Fawk. I want those SO badly!!) We even killed some time looking at some Iron Man mask toy, bikes, tennis rackets, lawn chairs, and yeah, I guess Brent and I are just big kids.

Okay, okay, concentrate. We need to get food. There’s no food at home. We need food. CHICKEN! We have to get those packs of chicken breasts. Heh.. breasts… CONCENTRATE! Chicken!

The Encounter

I send Brent off to pick up a case of beers while I head over to the meat section. What the heck? EMIL!!

“Uhhh, someone’s doing some grocery shopping for their going away party this Saturday!” I scuttle over to Emil and give him a hug. Not a big embrace, just one of those not really meaningful ones. I decide to just keep holding him until one of our partners notices…. Does Brent notice yet? Where’s Maria?

“I’m just gonna keep hugging you.. I think Brent’s coming over… Oh! Here he comes!”

Brent comes over and we do a three person hug. Yes. This is how we roll. Tri-force hug. We added in a little swaying too. Very sentimental. Very emotional.

“Dude, where’s Maria?”

“Oh,” Emil whispers, “she’s back there. Let’s go scare her!” Yes we’re a bunch of kids. And we have grown-up kid friends that we hang out with too.

The three of us, in group huddled form, move beyond a few Costco meat aisles, sneak behind Maria while she’s looking at packs of salmon, and sneak behind her for a “GROUP HUG!” welcome.

“Hey!! It’s you guys!! I saw some people hugging from the corner of my eye and just thought, ‘That’s some Costco lovin!’”

The Shepherd

We go about doing our separate shopping. I grabbed a pack of chicken (cheapest pack, baby! $15!)

Then, Brent and I are in the vegetable/fruit section, gathering berries for our dwelling, and we hear this lady in the distance (in the peanut butter aisle, if that gives you an idea of how far she was). She’s yelling something indistinguishable, really loudly. Sounds like some foreign language. Ignore.

Gathering berries. Berries for our empty cottage. %(*!@#&!$!@#* <-- repeated indistinguishable phrase is yelled out again. What the hell is she saying? She's pushing a cart, and there's this kid following behind her. Okay, she's prolly missing her child and is saying some secret phrase so her kid can find her. But she just walks around and keeps repeating it. She's in the frozen food area now. Ignore.

"Brent, does that mean anything to you? Can you hear what she's saying?"

"They probably want people to leave soon." It seriously sounds 0% like English to me. Ignore. Oh wait... she's coming closer. Lemme get a good hear. Oh. I see. It's a very slurred.

"COS CONOW CLOSE! ..... COS CONOW CLOSE!"

Oh okay fine. I guess she was herding the remaining Costco shoppers. Brent and I split and gather the rest of the items that we needed. We meet at the cashiers, start placing our items on the conveyor belt thingy and Brent notices something about the pack of chicken. And then I notice it too.

"Uhh.. does that look grayish to you?" It was gross. It really did look like a hint of gray. I've had Upside-down Jook but I will not have Gray Chicken. (Clearly, I did not focus very much of my attention on selecting the pack of chicken earlier. A.D.D.)

In the distance, a woman yells, “COS CONOW CLOSE!”

I grab the pack of Gray Chicken and head back to the meat section to swap out for a better pack. Jogging down the main aisle to the back of Costco, I see her. The shepherd.

“COS CONOW CLOSE!”

She sees me heading her way. She looks at me and says, “Costco now close.”

“Oh, I just want to run back and swap this pack of chicken.”

“Costco’s now close.” While I’m confirming in my mind that she’s actually saying “close” and not “closed” she says something else. I really had no idea what she said, but she definitely wasn’t talking to me because she was looking in some other direction… but there was no one else around us? Oh well, screw it, I’m just gonna go get another pack of chicken.

When I try to walk past her and her empty cart (why was she pushing a cart??), she extends her arm across my path and says, “Costco’s now close.”

“Oh, I know,” I respond. “I’m in line to pay for my stuff right now, actually. Can I just run back there and just swap this pack of chicken?”

She shakes her head and responds (I kid you not), “Costco’s now close.”

“Ummmm…………………… okay. Well… can I give you this chicken?”

She nods. I place the Gray Chicken in the cart. Maybe that’s why she had the cart???? *unsolved mysteries*

The Surprise Guest

Brent and I pay for our stuff. No chicken. Oh well, the gods just didn’t want us to get any meat for our house today. We walk out with Emil and Maria and say our byes.

Brent and I start loading our car, all while yelling out “COS’ CONOW CLOSE!” It was pretty amusing, I have to admit. I mean, no hate on her or anything, she’s just doing her job. It was just funny how it was all executed… and that was the only thing she said to me when I asked her questions. Resilient. They hired a good shepherd.

Anyway, loading the car. We’re yelling out “COS’ CONOW CLOSE!” and laughing to ourselves. It’s pretty dark in the parking lot now, and I only saw that a group of people (family, I’m guessing) are walking past us. A young dude says to us, “Hey! Don’t I know you guys from somewhere?”

Thoughts in my mind–all within a millisecond, of course: This guy’s gonna try to rob us? Right now? With two of us? My tongue and lips are beginning to form the words, “No you d–”

“From Elephant and Castle?” he finishes.

Okay, who is this man in the dark… and how does he know our former Embark go-to bar?! Ooohhhh crap! Our favorite server from E&C, Carlo!!

~Another Costco miracle!~

Pretty eventful Costco trip! All within 30-40 minutes too!

… k, It’s getting pretty late for my bed time now. And I’m sure by now… “COS’ CONOW CLOSE!!!”