(Wo)Man of Science, (Wo)Man of Faith
I know I’m not supposed to think of things in black and white, but it’s hard.
In retrospect, did I believe too much in fate and leaving it up to the natures of the universe? I sometimes feel like I just dove right into the wind and let it take me where destiny wanted to take me. In the end, all hell broke loose, almost as a danger sign, a warning not to leave the womb of destiny’s winds.
Do you think that’s what it all meant?
I used to be such a strong believer in signs and interpreting good fortune as a thumbs up from my life, a wink that everything’s as good as it could be. I jumped ship. I took a plunge, something I wanted to do, something I knew I NEEDED to do.
Do I even believe in signs anymore? I guess not. I haven’t seen anything ever since. Have I decided to cut this out all together?
For the sake of adjusting my perspective of life to my current life, I feel like I’ve morphed a lot of my former beliefs to better fit who I am today. I’ve been letting go of the idea of fate and destiny. Things happen. Shit happens. And it is not molded by some greater energy.
But at the same time, I DO believe in fate. With or without my presence, things WILL happen the way they did.
I need to stop blaming myself for the bad things that happen to people around me, particularly when I already know that it has nothing to do with me.
Do I still believe in karma? This is something I’m too scared to even step away from. I still have to cover my bases.
In other news, it’s interesting the people that come in and out of your life.
I remember I made a great effort during my last few weeks of college to see people I probably would never see again. Someone asked me, “Why would you do that? Wouldn’t you rather spend the last weeks of your college time with your closest friends?” “No, because I know I’ll still see them no matter what. These people, I know they’re only going to be a part of my life right now. It’ll be too forward and, well, inconvenient to contact each other to hang out later on.”
This last month has reinforced the idea that we should really live up the present for what it is. Things change, people change, situations change, relationships change, friendships change, and we’ll never know how things will be in the future. All we can do is 100% enjoy the moments that we have NOW, with the people that we’re laughing with NOW, with the people that are in our lives NOW.
And if in the future, things don’t work out, if it’s time to part, then those are the paths that have to be taken. It might suck, but what can you do, right? Things will happen the way they will. Unfortunate how some people may slip out of your life so easily. But I guess that’s how things are supposed to go…
Life is Like a Boat
Rie Fu
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who’s gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?
We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can’t escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day
I’m breathing in a faraway place, it seems like I’ve become transparent
And though I think I’m in the dark, I’ve only been blindfolded
Offering a prayer, I wait for a new day to come
Until the morning stops glittering on the sea
Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don’t give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong
People’s hearts shift and change, wanting to slip out
The moon still keeps bringing in the boat with each new phase
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?
I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I’d feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong
The journey still continues, even on calm days
The moon still starts shining down on the boat with each new phase
Offering a prayer, I wait for a new day to come
Until the morning stops glittering on the sea
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
We are all rowing the boat of fate, the waves keep on coming and we can’t escape
That too is a beautiful journey, isn’t it? Any of them is a beautiful journey, isn’t it
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9:26 PM
Sorta related, one of my favs.
The Journey
Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.
9:13 PM
hey, here’s a song that totally (and i seriously mean 100%) reminded me of the song you posted.
i’ve been listening to it aallll the time since christina sent it to me.
this clip is kinda slow only cause it’s straight up from the movie and the guy is teaching the girl to play the song. but i LOVE LOVE LOVE the song.
my favorite lines, the chorus
“Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You’ve made it now”
btw, it’s from the movie lost.
9:16 PM
sigh
http://youtube.com/watch?v=_LMv0BOKkWc
10:11 PM
thanks, mauricio and man. those were each SO beautiful! thanks SO much for sharing with me!