@_@

I haven’t ever donated before because 1) I didn’t weigh more than 110lbs for most of my life, and 2) I used to be totally anemic. I went with coworker Craig and Brent down the street from our office to the Blood Centers of the Pacific (http://www.bloodcenters.org/).

Brent and I stuffed ourselves for lunch, especially since Craig said he passed out the last time he gave blood 4 years ago. I bet with myself that I would most likely pass out. Anyhow, stuffed myself with sandwich, sushi, and carrot juice, heading to the clinic.

Blood donation n00b :( Filled out my forms and was last to get called in. Took me into a room to ask me any questions concerning the questions I had to answer on the form, and took my blood pressure and all that stuff. But they got stuck on one form answer…

The question: “In the last 12 months, have you lived with someone who has hepatitis?”

A few months back, my dad donated blood like he does regularly every few months, but his blood got turned away by the Red Cross. Apparently, his blood had antibodies for Hepatitis B, which I thought meant that he was diagnosed with Hep B.

In the hefty blood donation manual, the wording for this portion of the form got really confusing for the clinic worker that was helping me out. She brought in a nurse to help figure it out.

Following the manual’s instructions, the first lady recorded that I have regular contact with my dad since we live together–but… did “contact” mean… sexual contact? Or just… being around physically? Interesting… They asked me if my dad’s ever had symptoms of Hep B and I said no, and re-iterated that I had my Hep B shot before he found out about his antibodies. Apparently, my vaccine to it doesn’t really matter since the concern was whether or not I live with someone with Hep B. According to this manual, whether symptomatic or not, me living with someone with Hep B makes me ineligible to give blood. This didn’t sound right to me, nor to the second nurse lady who was helping me. She calls in a third nurse lady.

I explained to the third nurse lady again. She apparently is more knowledgeable (or… made an assumption call?). Apparently, my dad could have the antibodies to Hep B meaning he’s been EXPOSED to the disease but doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a CARRIER of the disease. Third nurse lady was convinced that my dad was not a CARRIER of the disease, since he hadn’t had the symptoms, and was only exposed to it. Which meant that I could give blood!

They pricked my finger to test for my iron, dropping it into a little blue tube, and I watched my drop of blood quickly dissipate into the blue liquid. Lady goes out to do something or other with another sample of my blood. I find out later from Brent that the blood is supposed to drop straight to the bottom, a sign of good iron. Lady comes back and says that I barely made it–I’m low on iron. Surprise, surprise. Hello, Past-Anemia!

I go out, drink my orange juice. By this time, Brent is done, and Craig is almost done. I sit down in one of those fancy recliner chairs, staring at Craig. Craig’s turning paleish green at this point. Uhoh! He finished but was light-headed. I saw 3 nurses rush over with wet paper towels for his head and neck, and one with a water and straw. :O “zomg that’s gonna be me later….” After a couple mins of laying down, Craig’s color came back, and he sat in the 15-min waiting area while a nurse was prepping me.

The rest of the experience wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I was FREEZING in there, but apparently it’s better that to be cold than warm. I bet Chinese people would think completely the opposite. The nurse helping me told me that the needle won’t hurt any more than my industrial piercing, hahah

I got slightly dizzy and the nurse reclined my chair and put wet towels on my head, and got some water for me. After I was done, they had me sit some more in the chair a bit longer. I sat up on the side of the chair for a bit and I could tell they knew I was still dizzy. I totally lied to them and said I got better–keke. At this point, I was gone from the office for 2 hours :( I did sit to drink and eat for a little bit longer, but I wanted to go back to the office. It was toooooo cold in theeerreeee. I lied and slowly walked back to the office.

Alvin said I looked like a ghost :(

I’ve been living a very bitter and unhappy life.

Some days, I have very little patience for people’s antics. I’ve become grouchy and discontent with a lot of my social life. This, of course, is most likely because of how tired and unfulfilling my lifestyle has become in the last month and a half.

I have a lot to question: my motives, my goals, my reasons, my DREAMS.

Is it WORTH it?

I’ve been living my life mostly on a “Oh well, suck it up, Tse. You have to get it done so just shut up and eat the lemons” mentality. And I guess that’s where the sourness has been coming out from. But don’t get me wrong… I like the challenge, I like this change, and I like the affect that I can make. I know I’m producing good work. I know I’m giving it my all. And I know that it’s paying off.

But I guess the question is whether or not it’s paying off for MY needs.

This was the heavy storm that had just passed, and I was convinced that maybe after this deadline season, things will lighten up and things will get better soon. But, knowing myself, and knowing how antsy I can get when there’s a large checklist to accomplish, WILL I ever feel like it will lighten? WILL I ever feel like it’ll be better? It’s all relative, I suppose.

For my own sanity, I guess I need to consciously learn to SLOW DOWN and to be OKAY with undone tasks.