First time in a few weeks it’s been a calm day.

An incredible realization: life feels really boring and unsatisfying when I’m not running to and from task to task. What a gross SICKNESS I’ve created for myself!! I guess I don’t feel like I’m living my day to the fullest when I’m just at home, catching up on some of the loose ends of my personal life.

I was intending to sit down today and “get ahead” with some work stuff, but I realized I’m not really sure how to remote desktop in… HA HA HA. I promise, I work at a tech company. I promise. Oh well, I guess I can hold off for one more day until Bill returns from paternity leave. It’s just that sometimes, I sit and I think about all the things on my To-Do list and I feel the incredible pressure weighing on my shoulders. Gross, huh? Self-created pressure, possibly?? I guess it’s a GOOD thing I can’t log onto my work computer right now. I guess I should be “resting” on the weekends/after work. There’s just…. so much to… do.

Anyway… not too long ago, I got Terry (the 1TB harddrive) to house a nice little digital photo library. If y’all have been following my site since I started, you may remember that I used to do photo updates with several events in one gallery. Ugggghhhhh–it’s TOTALLY biting me in the ass right now. Slowly trying to split them up and organize them properly. “Date Photo Taken” helps… if only Bertha didn’t reset the date on random occasions. Okay, this whole paragraph made me sound like x10 of a loser. Goal = to organize my pics and to have Terry pass around overdue pics to be shared with folks. Maybe THIS is why my day feels so un-fulfilling!!

The feeling of blandness while at home must be an indication to me that I really just don’t enjoy being here–I just don’t… enjoy my time here. I hardly use my computer anymore, and would much rather be out being with people than my monitor. (Ironic since I haven’t seen my friends’ faces for 3+ weeks.) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Anyway, goal at the moment is to save up, and move out… somewhere. I should probably come up with a personal budget.

TLDR version:
- I find more pleasure being x1000 busy than sitting at home, which means…
- I want to move out
- I don’t know how to remote desktop into my work computer cuz I’m a n00b.

Here goes Week 3.

I’m slowly getting used to leading, but I can’t say it’s getting easier. But I’m not gonna whine or complain.

I’m learning a tremendous amount, and it seems like a lot of my time now is strategizing and trying my best to organize my days. “Hour by hour,” right? No more crying.

In other news, Yama organized a group in SF called TechKaraokeSF. We had our first event last Thursday, which was the perfect let-loose session with Embarkers. Yama, Christine, Sandra, Brent, and Eshen. Went to the Chinese/Korean restaurant across the street from Izakaya and had their fried BEEF, which was SO frickin good. No stickie pix, but that’s okay, we were the first to karaoke. Folks were really into it and were really fun to watch. Dude… Yama’s surprisingly awesome. Anyway, I put in my request for this song I’ve been singing all week to Christine. I guess I was the last solo person to request a song cuz I went last. Anyway, I dedicated the song to Christine, declaring that we can’t cry no ‘mo over work. *shrug* Guess they liked it… I was champ of the night! Got $50 gift certificate for Izakaya. (Oh great… now I have to actually prep for the next TechKaraokeSF event…)

Also at work, we’ve been doing the 100 Push-ups training. It’s pretty fantastic when every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, a bunch of us line up in the large conference room and just do push-ups together. There’s got to be at least 20 people who are in this exercise. We’re in the Week 3 track now, which is COMPLETELY BULL SHIT. I did my pre-Week 3 test on Saturday and did 21 max; my original initial test was 10. Hah! Anyway… this morning’s set was KILLER. The whole room was in agony. My triceps were burning and sticking outta my arm to say, “Good morning, Embark!” I can’t wait for all of Embark to be incredibly buff so clients will visit and see that we’re all super buff nerds, waaahahaha!

I guess I’ve also be riled up some sentiments lately. First time in a long time I’ve received a “stranger” comment… view here. Thank you, Louisville. *shrug* I thought it was a funny conversation when I had it with my roommate a few years back… maybe not!

Some realizations… Caden left a message for me today, asking me to go over and play with him. Meh… then got scolded by Man cuz I haven’t been very sociable lately. Yes. I’m Ms. MIA these days. I’m sorry that I haven’t been hanging out lately, but I don’t regret anything. I need to figure out my life first–sorry, guys =/ Work and sleep, I guess these are my main priorities right now… I know you’re mad at me, but I just have to do this. I’ve gotten busy knowing what I have to do to build a good foundation for my life. I just… have to do this right now.

Having a team is a new thing for me. There’s a tremendous plethora of projects for our team, and I’m always amazed how well they get the projects done. It seems like I’m always struggling to keep up with THEM. I’m slow at specing requests, going thru RTFs, and having all those things set up and ready for development. Thank GOD for Eric and Brent for helping me cover for Bill while he’s out. Alvin asked me a few days ago how it is for me being lead… my answer: “I don’t know… I’m not sure which portion of the things I’ve done has been lead work, and which portion has been the project manager stuff.” Bets on when I’ll actually be able to answer that question….

Doing this has taught me a lot in the last few weeks:

1. Academic prestige and reputation is so trivial. People are people, and everyone’s got faults. Think about how unorganized our workplaces are–realize it’s like that at EVERY workplace. People are people and no one’s really as important as you/they think they may be. People come and go, people pass, people leave, yet the things we discuss are so “important” that we forget that… people are people. Mistakes, misconceptions, misunderstandings. No one is perfect. No org is perfect.
2. I’ve learned that although I can get our projects assigned and completed, I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job keeping my team happy. Of course, we’re going through our hell weeks, but I feel like I can do more. I need to research on what to do.
3. I love lists. Priorities seriously change every day and taking the time to organize priorities and projects every day has not only been ESSENTIAL in helping me solve my daily workload puzzles, but it’s MORE important in keeping me SANE. Even though everything is “urgent” to somebody, it doesn’t help to think about all of it together at once and freak out. I don’t know how to do this on my own yet and I need to learn. Thanks for helping me manage my stress by walking me through this, Brent. I’m scared to think of the mayhem that will occur while you’re out of the office later this week. I’m 100% bracing myself.
4. Work hard, play hard(er). It’s just that it’s just not time to play yet. I hope my friends can forgive me for being MIA, but now’s just not the time. I guess I’m too intent on not… failing. There’s just 300% more responsibilities in my lap now. Work hard now, and I’ll play hard later.
5. I need to re-learn how to take my three to four 15-minute breaks at work. “You haven’t come to visit all day,” says Yama, “You’re visiting us now at 5PM… that means you’ve been really busy today.” Bleh. Work friends are people I’ve been cherishing greatly lately–they know what it’s like, and we keep each other sane thru the days.

Okay. Time to sleep.

The Rat year may not be as good to you as the kindly Pig year, especially since it is an Earth year and Earth drains your Rat luck. Making favorable deals, for example, will be more challenging. It should still be a good year for you, as you have eight good months ahead of you. If you avoid risk and rely on hard work to get ahead, you most likely will. You may get off to a slow start, but the latter part of the year will present more and better opportunities — so be patient.