Welp, I got myself a new toy again!

The deal was just too hard to resist on Cyber Monday! I ordered an Inspiron 1525 with Dual Core (2.0Ghz), 3GB DDR2, 250GB HD, a video card that I don’t understand (Intel Graphics Media Accelerator X3100), with Windows Vista Home Basic. I got it for about $475ish before tax and shipping. w00t.

So… here I am! Typing on it in bed! Winnaarrr!! Picture of the new laptop to be included soon!

It took a while for it to ship to be, but a Dell agent called me and left me voicemails every step of the process: letting me know when the order got delayed, that the order was done being processed, when it was shipped, and when the package arrived. (To be honest, I think they started building the computer when I contacted them a week after my order status didn’t change at all.) Either way, I waited patiently and am very much so satisfied with my new loot!

Plans for the laptop:
– Main goal is to use it for doing webwork while I’m not stationed at home. I’ll admit that I’m behind on the revamp project (because I spend most of my weekends at Brent’s), but hopefully I can successfully install Photoshop CS and the necessary software onto this Vista machine with no problems.
– Second goal is…. hmm… it was all mostly for the first goal, really. This was actually kind of a spontaneous purchase! :O Ooohhppp! While others are tweeting away on their iPhones, I’ll be tweeting on my comparatively huge laptop! Hah! Succckkkerrsss!!

Nice generic Dell photo of the laptop

I got the “Midnight Blue” one (oooooohhhhhh!!!!) I heard that black = a lot of finger prints; red was too flashy for me; pink was a ‘no way’; wasn’t feeling the Mustard Yellow (it’s actually called like Sunshine Yellow or something); and I’m not much of a fan for Dookie Green (totally it’s official name. I promise.) So… I got the blue. Seemed pretty standard to me! If I had a choice, I woulda gotten a white one though. I don’t think they make it in white because it would have looked too similar to a Mac though…

Any naming suggestions?? Some ideas so far:
– Allen – (the name of the IT guy at work) so I can yell out stuff like “Ahhhh!! Allleeennnnnn!! Why aren’t you working???” more often.
– The Reincarnation of Bertha

Morning-in-bed photo with built-in webcam! Surprisingly good quality pics!
I’m not hawt and secsie like the real webcammy blogger girls. (Paanniisss!)

Yay for technology! <3 I really hope my old versions of AIM works on this Vista thing.....

Update 12/25/08: Photos as promised!

Laptop, Wacom, Tissues–Ready to get work done on Xmas day!

For the last couple of months, I’ve been slowly working on the domain revamp (per previous post).

So far, I’ve done the following:

• Step 1: Found new hosting — DONE
• Step 2: Backed up everything from the old server — DONE
• Step 3: Transferred the blog from the old server to the new — DONE
• Step 5: LEARN how to create my own Wordpress theme — DONE
  I followed this useful and easy-to-understand tutorial. Yep–did Step 5 before Step 4! Take that, The Man!

On-going tasks I’ve been working on:

• Step 4: RESEARCH — IN PROGRESS
  I have a million articles bookmarked right now in terms of effective blogging, and best practices for blogging. Disliking the CONFORMITY and seemingly FORMULAIC guidelines mentioned a lot of these articles, I’m picking and choosing the things I think are most suitable for myself. Take that, The Man again! *upper-cut!*

  In terms of CREATIVE research, I’ve seen a bunch of coooolll designs, and I’m grabbing a lot of great ideas from really original designs: http://www.smashingmagazine.com/2008/10/23/50-beautiful-blog-designs/

• Step 6: FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT PHOTOS — NEEDS MORE RESEARCH
  Picasa 3’s stepped out of beta mode and has gone official. But there’s still a lot of things I wish it had: non-member commenting, a way to customize the root gallery display format, noting which photos have been commented on. I guess I want it to be like Gallery =D (Why don’t I just use Gallery? Hmm.. I want a seamless integration of the photo gallery into my webpage, and to be honest, I’m intimidated of the customization needed to make it work for Gallery. Also, I like that photos on Picasa are stored externally. Picasa’s also got a great desktop/photo viewer software application, and it was kind of tedious for me to convert pics from Picasa to Gallery. Got photo gallery suggestions? Let me know! :D (As an FYI, I’ve decided I don’t like Flickr for my own use… it’s not my style.)
• Step 7: IMPLEMENTATION! — IN PROGRESS
  With the things I’ve researched in conjunction with the ideas I’ve had, I’ve been putting all of these together slowly but surely.

I’m really EXCITED about the progress I’ve made in the last few days, actually! Being a grouch and grumpy during Thanksgiving Day (obligatory holidays were not my cup of tea yesterday), I spent most of my time at my computer researching and tweeking around with possible layout ideas.

So far, I’ve doodled some sketches yesterday night, some that I’m rather pleased with. I’ve figured out the core color that I plan to use. And I have the basic structure and placement of my content figured out.

Craisin.com 2008 Revamp Spoilers!

• I will be using my own hand-drawings for a portion of my new design
  I did really well with my design back in 2005 (screenshot) because it was original and it visually stood out a lot. I figured the best way to do something no one else can do is to… just… draw something from my head, and have it integrated into the design.

  I’m taking some time to figure out where I can put in more little hand drawings for accents and to bring out small details, if I have enough time. I may ask to borrow Brent’s WACOM to finish off my drawings! :OOOO

• Effort to make the blog more interactive
  I plan to get more creative with the commenting portion of the blog. I’m currently researching ways to get more people involved, since I haven’t put in much effort in doing this in the past.
• Portfolio: A portion of the site will be used to display my latest artwork — I’ve realized this is important for me to keep up online, especially since I’ve been taking art classes lately.
• Aiming to have new design done by 2008 year’s end
  Optimistically aiming to have new design up LIVE by Dec 31st! :O This might be the bare skeleton of what I envision for the full-content of the site, but I would release other features over time. Minimally: have at least the blog, photo page, and an About page up with the new design.

Preview of possible sketch to use for revamp design? :O

Have an idea for my redesign/content revamp? Ooohhhh Let me know! =D

@_@

I haven’t ever donated before because 1) I didn’t weigh more than 110lbs for most of my life, and 2) I used to be totally anemic. I went with coworker Craig and Brent down the street from our office to the Blood Centers of the Pacific (http://www.bloodcenters.org/).

Brent and I stuffed ourselves for lunch, especially since Craig said he passed out the last time he gave blood 4 years ago. I bet with myself that I would most likely pass out. Anyhow, stuffed myself with sandwich, sushi, and carrot juice, heading to the clinic.

Blood donation n00b :( Filled out my forms and was last to get called in. Took me into a room to ask me any questions concerning the questions I had to answer on the form, and took my blood pressure and all that stuff. But they got stuck on one form answer…

The question: “In the last 12 months, have you lived with someone who has hepatitis?”

A few months back, my dad donated blood like he does regularly every few months, but his blood got turned away by the Red Cross. Apparently, his blood had antibodies for Hepatitis B, which I thought meant that he was diagnosed with Hep B.

In the hefty blood donation manual, the wording for this portion of the form got really confusing for the clinic worker that was helping me out. She brought in a nurse to help figure it out.

Following the manual’s instructions, the first lady recorded that I have regular contact with my dad since we live together–but… did “contact” mean… sexual contact? Or just… being around physically? Interesting… They asked me if my dad’s ever had symptoms of Hep B and I said no, and re-iterated that I had my Hep B shot before he found out about his antibodies. Apparently, my vaccine to it doesn’t really matter since the concern was whether or not I live with someone with Hep B. According to this manual, whether symptomatic or not, me living with someone with Hep B makes me ineligible to give blood. This didn’t sound right to me, nor to the second nurse lady who was helping me. She calls in a third nurse lady.

I explained to the third nurse lady again. She apparently is more knowledgeable (or… made an assumption call?). Apparently, my dad could have the antibodies to Hep B meaning he’s been EXPOSED to the disease but doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a CARRIER of the disease. Third nurse lady was convinced that my dad was not a CARRIER of the disease, since he hadn’t had the symptoms, and was only exposed to it. Which meant that I could give blood!

They pricked my finger to test for my iron, dropping it into a little blue tube, and I watched my drop of blood quickly dissipate into the blue liquid. Lady goes out to do something or other with another sample of my blood. I find out later from Brent that the blood is supposed to drop straight to the bottom, a sign of good iron. Lady comes back and says that I barely made it–I’m low on iron. Surprise, surprise. Hello, Past-Anemia!

I go out, drink my orange juice. By this time, Brent is done, and Craig is almost done. I sit down in one of those fancy recliner chairs, staring at Craig. Craig’s turning paleish green at this point. Uhoh! He finished but was light-headed. I saw 3 nurses rush over with wet paper towels for his head and neck, and one with a water and straw. :O “zomg that’s gonna be me later….” After a couple mins of laying down, Craig’s color came back, and he sat in the 15-min waiting area while a nurse was prepping me.

The rest of the experience wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I was FREEZING in there, but apparently it’s better that to be cold than warm. I bet Chinese people would think completely the opposite. The nurse helping me told me that the needle won’t hurt any more than my industrial piercing, hahah

I got slightly dizzy and the nurse reclined my chair and put wet towels on my head, and got some water for me. After I was done, they had me sit some more in the chair a bit longer. I sat up on the side of the chair for a bit and I could tell they knew I was still dizzy. I totally lied to them and said I got better–keke. At this point, I was gone from the office for 2 hours :( I did sit to drink and eat for a little bit longer, but I wanted to go back to the office. It was toooooo cold in theeerreeee. I lied and slowly walked back to the office.

Alvin said I looked like a ghost :(

I decided to add my Intermediate Figure Drawing pieces to my Picasa:

http://picasaweb.google.com/craisin/

I’ve been working with charcoal a lot more again, to get better at it. I feel like this class has helped me improve a LOT, especially from where I started earlier this year in the beginner’s class. My instructor, Gordon, is really supportive and suuucchh a sweetie! He “Oooohs” everytime he comes by to look at my stuff. I’ve befriended a really great classmate who I also took the class with last semester, Nam, who offers a lot of great positive advice and suggestions.

Something for me to think about, something Nam told me: “You want to EXPLAIN the back of the knee more. You’re drawing what you’re seeing, but you need to EXPLAIN it more to the person looking at your drawing.” Greatly put. I never drew (hohoho) the connection between visual drawing and COMMUNICATING in the way I used to in writing essays. It makes so much more sense now, the way he put it.

Incoming sappy blog post. I’m long overdue for a relationship post… so here’s my update.

A lot has happened this year, and it’s weird in retrospect. It feels like I went through so much this year, but where I am now is almost physically in the same place where I started off. Just that I carry more knowledge now.

Undoubtedly, 2008 has been a year of figuring out what it is I want in my life. It’s been a whole saga of me not knowing what I want, choosing a path, and THEN understanding the consequences of my decision.

For instance: Work. I wanted this Leads position. I jumped into it, saying to myself that I could stick it through and just DEAL with it. And so I did. And as a result of the stress and amount of time and dedication required for a role I don’t find much satisfaction or accomplishment in, I feel like I lost a big chunk of the characteristics and spirit that I feel makes me who I am. I came to this realization not too long ago, and I’m taking the actions I need to do to make sure I’m happy. I’m going back to how I first started off the year, but now knowing a lot more clearer what it is that I want out of this job, and what it is that I need to succeed. The consequences of my decision to become a Lead came out to be a lot more negative than I initially anticipated.

Next, the choices I made this year about relationships.

Only some people know what went through my mind back in March when I broke up with Henry, but even then, did I trick myself into thinking that it was a choice independent from my attraction to Brent? Probably. Did I consciously make that decision then? Past-Estella would say no to preserve dignity and a clean conscious. But truth is, it was probably a huge influence on my decision. But truth is… I was trying to figure out what I wanted.

I thought I wanted the ideal romance, the picture-perfect moments, the Disney princess stories that felt so good with Henry. Those times really WERE those perfect moments. But… is that something that I truly wanted? Was that the ONLY thing that I wanted? A sense of PERFECTION?

There were a lot of factors leading to my decision: I felt like I was losing the feeling of independence that I was accustomed to while Henry was in SoCal and I was scared of the uncertainty of him moving back here to Norcal; Our styles were very different, though it taught me a tremendous amount. I’m fast, and I panic. He’s calm and relaxed. For me, I had a lot of internal battles of whether or not to calm down, or to go with my natural instincts; And yes, Brent was a factor. I knew I liked him. And with that fact alone, it was unfair to lie and stay committed to Henry when I knew that I wasn’t giving my all. Thus, the decision I made.

And yes, afterwards, I hung out with Brent… a lot. I didn’t want a “relationship”, nor did I want anything serious. We had a conversation about this and I told him I don’t want labels. If I begin labeling relationships, I fall into those stereotypical roles, which usually turns sour. So, we agreed to just be the “close friends” that we are, sharing a tremendous amount of common interests, values, and teaching each other along the way.

This whole time, I’ve maybe only awkwardly referred to him as my “boyfriend” once to like… my grandma or something. Introducing him to new people kind of leaves me stunned when I’m not sure who to introduce him as, so all I say is, “This is Brent.” I don’t like calling him my boyfriend; I don’t really feel comfortable saying that he’s the person I’m dating. I’ve successfully steered clear of these labels this whole time! Otherwise, everyone else just makes up their own labels, which is fine. It really doesn’t really matter what everyone thinks. I’ve really come to realize how much it really IS about what it is that he and I think, what he and I KNOW.

Subsequently, my own personal goal has been to befriend his closest friends more so they won’t refer to me as “Brent’s girlfriend” or something. …I have labelphobia syndrome.

Brent and I have a LOT in common, and we have a lot to talk about with each other: from comic book knowledge, to LGBT history, to the impending doom of 2012, to serious business plans, to ways to improve, progress, and succeed in our own individual lives. The first time I spoke to him, he had the LOST Season 1 DVD on his desk and I gasped and pointed at it, asking: “Are you caught up or are you catching up?” And so began our frequent LOST conversations, which we realize we’re 100% fanatics at to the extent that we knew more about the show than our LOST tour guide in Hawaii last month.

Because I was dedicated to Henry when I started at Embark, I ended up building a really strong and firm friendship with Brent, which is still the main core of our bond. Totally a 180 from the interaction rate with Henry, I pretty much see Brent every day. I know… gross… I’ve become one of THOSE. Surprisingly, we don’t ever run out of stuff to talk about. And even though we see each other so often, we’re very respectful of each other’s individual time alone, and pretty communicative about each other’s needs and wants.

I’ve been EXTREMELY happy with the time I get to spend with Brent. There’s always an on-going competition, and new trend/interests/challenge every week. Last week was totally NES flashback week + reading Watchmen. He sucks at the out-of-state license plate game, and he always loses the Jinx-calling game too. He pretty much owes me a life supply of rootbeer floats because I’m so good.

I’ve had some tough months with work and I’ve found more comfort hanging out with coworkers during my free time because we all have the common understanding of the extent of how shitty our situations can get on a day-to-day basis… A sense of respect and companionship that is hard to explain to people who don’t work with us. I’ve become very distant from my parents and family, and haven’t really been hanging out with my friends much. I admit that I’ve been spending most of my time with Brent, finding new furniture and such for his new place.

I’ve been having a great time, but I know it’s time I should buckle down and figure out my own individual goals and tasks. Gotta find the balance again.

Anyway, I jumped into a decision and I feel that this was a good decision that I made, understanding my needs and what it is I wanted. It wasn’t all flowery and pretty, and I carried a lot of guilt for a long time, some of which I still have, but I still trust that it was good decision that I made.

You know, the weird thing is… I was looking at some recent pics of Marco lately, and I can see how incredibly happy he’s been with Coleen after we were together, and I felt a great sense of understanding and appreciation. And I also felt a sense of peace: with our past, with his bond with Coleen, with myself, with my bond with Brent. I used to feel a lot of angst, even years afterwards, bitter about how I failed. I’m just so grateful for all the place that I’m at now. I’ve done a complete 180 from where I used to be, and I’m appreciative of every step that it took to get here, acknowledging how much of an impact we have on the lives that we touch along the way.

Thanks for contributing to these chapters in my life, for changing me for the better, and for being the foundation for the rest of things to come.

Newport Beach, CA – 5/24/08

I can’t remember the time or place,
or what you were wearing.
It’s unclear about how we met,
all I know it was the best conversation that I’ve ever had.
To this day I never found someone,
with eyes as wide as yours.
I’ve been searching up and down this coast,
overlooking what I need the most.
      — New Found Glory, The Story So Far